(I can't get no) Satisfaction

...Cause I try, and I try and I try...

Let me just start by saying that I am not a fan of the Rolling Stones, maybe I'm to young to appreciate the impact their music had back in the day, but in my opinion they are a bit overrated. However, I do like the title of that song, after an amazing service at Church yesterday I began to ponder on that very concept "satisfaction", the first question that popped in my head was: Where does my satisfaction come from?

Does it come from my husband? He is an amazing man, loving husband, dedicated father, smart, creative, passionate, but there are times (very few lately I have to admit) where he gets on my nerves, just a little, not a lot, but he does.

Does it come from my child? I love my son, he is cute and smart, but he is in the terrible two's and sometimes I want to lock myself in the closet and ignore him for at least 10 minutes.

Does it come from my friends? I don't have many, but the ones I have are incredible, we have know each other for years and know each other really well, I can trust them and count on them no matter what, but that can't be it.

Does it come from my job? my house? the amount of money in my bank account? I like my job,it's challenging, exciting, even rewarding but it can be very stressful. I love my house, it's big, comfortable, well located, but sometimes I think it's too big for me to clean and too expensive to maintain. Money on the other hand is important, but it comes and goes, so you never know.

The truth is, my heart is longing for something different these days, I no longer want to keep my eyes on these "stuff" because when I do, they become so much more important than what they really are, bigger and overwhelming, and at the end of the day, they don't give me peace, they don't fulfill my spirit. The hole is still there, there is always something missing, it becomes a challenge to even appreciate the value of all of them, because they are blessings, no doubt, but they are not "it".

What my heart really wants, what it longs and yearns for is God, to be satisfied by Him, by His love, His peace, knowing that in the place where there is no peace, I have Him, He is with me, he never stops loving, I have nothing to fear. Then everything else will fall into place and I will no longer lose sleep over meaningless and transient things.

It's a long and hard process, sometimes we are so consumed by our surroundings, by our situations and difficulties that we can't see beyond that.

But I have come to realize that there is no fulfillment apart from God, He knows exactly what is going on in my life, He knows way better than I do what's good for me. His will is perfect, His love is perfect.

I am ready to put my eyes back on the cross.

O God, you are my God,

earnestly I seek you;

my soul thirsts for you,

my body longs for you,

in a dry and weary land

where there is no water.

I have seen you in the sanctuary,

and beheld your power and your glory.

Because your love is better than life,

my lips will glorify you.

I will praise you as long as I live,

and in your name I will lift up my hands.

My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;

with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

Psalm 63:1,5

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Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

Psalm 73:25,26