tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37039341584080131462024-02-21T07:13:21.906-08:00By Mary Anna OssaMary Anna Ossahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12079582269650871327noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3703934158408013146.post-18588477021106628052013-09-03T05:19:00.001-07:002013-09-03T05:19:11.259-07:00Third time is the charm...<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Not really, but I thought it would be a clever title for this post.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have been a Christian for more than 15 years and I must honestly say that accepting Jesus as my Lord and Savior was, is and always will be the best decision I have ever made in my life.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It hasn't always been easy. I have traveled a rocky and pretty eventful road, especially in my early twenties, but God has always showed himself and in His mercy and love I have found grace and a way to work out every situation.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It will take a long time to share my testimony with you all, but in light of the events that took place at <a href="http://elevationchurch.org/" target="_blank"><span style="color: orange;">Elevation Church</span></a> this weekend; I will share part of it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was born in a Catholic family and in perfect Catholic tradition I was baptized when I was about 9 months old, I didn't get a vote or even a say in that decision. I've seen pictures and even though I don't remember the event in question I can tell by the pictures I was pretty upset. It could have been the fact that a stranger was pouring water on my face for no apparent reason or maybe because no one asked me if I wanted to do it. In any case, it happened.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At 15, I decided to cut all my ties with the Catholic Church, which was hard considering I was a Senior at a very strict Catholic High School (Yes, a senior at 15). That school was run by nuns that in my opinion were trained by the most cruel army in the world. It was a tough school, and when I decided not to participate in all the religious activities of the school, stating that I could no longer defined myself as Catholic. Well, let's just say it created a big problem for me. But I stood by what I thought to be the truth at the time, and they decided to simply let me graduate and move on with my life.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A year later when I was a freshman in College, I had an encounter with my Creator, my Father in heaven, it happened on a Sunday morning at my mother's Church, I can't explain it and won't even try to describe it, but I got saved. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I wish I could say that it was all rainbows and sunshine after that, but it wasn't like that at all. My life turned into quite a mess, I wasn't able to handle the freedom that came with the college life. After all, I was only 16. I was completely lost in a world where I could do pretty much whatever I wanted and get away with it. Although I survived and was able to graduate, I was never the same. I grew up too fast and did things I am definitely not proud of. I left school tired, carrying a heavy load of emotional baggage and with a lot more questions than answers. There was a big hole in my heart and I had no idea how to fill it or even hide it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I called myself a Christian but didn't really know what that meant, after graduation I decided to move to the States, looking for a fresh start and a place where I could find some peace of mind. That's how I ended up in Charlotte NC. This awesome city welcomed me with open arms almost 14 years ago. When I first got here, I got a job as a waitress at a restaurant in the South Park area, I met a ton of great people there. Little did I know, that was the beginning of my new life. Two of my co-workers were hardcore Christians, working part time and going to Ministry school full time. They talked a lot aboud God, and I mean a lot! They invited me to Church one day and even promised to pick me up on Sunday morning.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I went out partying the night before and got home at around 7 am. They knocked at my door at 9 o'clock sharp, and to this day I still don't know how I managed to get up and go to Church. It was my day for sure. I got there and tears were just flowing down my face. The Lord was calling me, it was time to come home, to star over, to give my life to him once and for all. These friends not only invited me to Church, they walked with me, listened to me, pray with me and for me, and I will forever be grateful to them for all their love and support. I started attending Church and at the same time I began dealing my all my personal demons. Not too long after that; my friends talked me into getting baptized, I felt I was ready for that step, ready to go public with my faith, so I went for it. It was a different kind of experience but a good one for sure.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After years of struggling, years of tears and pain, my life was beginning to make sense. I was living with a purpose and I had found my destiny.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">With my new found hope and the strength my Creator provided, I began my journey as a woman of God. I fell in love with the most wonderful man on earth and together we have two incredible children. It was because of them, that last weekend I made the decision to get baptized again. I am not in my twenties anymore. I am now and adult, a wife, a mother. Everything I do in my life, every decision I make has an impact in the life of my children one way or another. I have a responsability to teach them about God, to lead them by example and to live a life of faith, love and obedience.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Last Saturday evening, during our Raised to Life event, when the Pastor extended the invitation to come forward and get baptized. I proudly stood up and publicly declared my faith. I decided to follow Jesus and wanted the world to know it. Right there and then, I got baptized for the third time.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I wanted my children to see me take that step, and although they might not understand completely what took place that day, they were there. And when their day comes, whenever their time comes, I'll be able to explain what the Lord has done for me, how He saved me, how He made me whole again. I will tell them that the tears they saw, were tears of joy and not sadness, and how no matter what the world throws at me, I know who I am in Christ, I know who my Father is.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In HIM I found peace. In HIM I found myself.</span></div>
Mary Anna Ossahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12079582269650871327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3703934158408013146.post-7132795408646999512013-01-19T09:38:00.002-08:002013-01-19T15:42:33.483-08:00No regrets, really?<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It really bothers me when I see people on television or even when I hear people I know say they have no regrets in their life. It boggles my mind and I just simply cannot understand how someone can feel that way.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I can only speak for myself, obviously, but there are so many things in my life I wish I had done differently, so many situations I put myself through that caused me and those around me pain and so many times I even risk my life without any valid reason. I don't think I'm the only one out there who thinks this way.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Of course, those experiences made me who I am today and I am stronger because I went through all of it, but I honestly believe there's gotta be another way to learn, something other than "the hard way" and not always by making mistakes. Is it possible to look at someone else's life and say: Wow! I am never doing that! or that did not work out for her? and truly take it into account next time we face a similar situation, or is this analysis a result of the fact that I am no longer in my early twenties and therefore I am smarter and because I messed up so many times I finally learn my lesson?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The one thing I appreciate about having had so many bad experiences is that nothing surprises me anymore, nothing really shocks me, I have acquired the ability to understand and even relate to the most amazing and sometimes even awful things people tell me. Maybe because I've been there myself or because I understand how a good person with a good heart is sometimes capable of doing something most people would describe as "despicable".</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The thing is we are all human, and with time we should develop the strength to recover from almost anything. Every day, we are given the opportunity to become better people, more human and more compassionate. It is a never ending process and I am grateful for it.</span></div>
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Mary Anna Ossahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12079582269650871327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3703934158408013146.post-65523604459497073962012-11-05T17:06:00.000-08:002012-11-05T17:09:39.714-08:00The business of friendship<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Friendship is forever</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At least is what they say</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But when I think about it</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">it just keeps sounding fake</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This virtual world keeps lying to us</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">making us believe we're not alone</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One thousand friends is not enough</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">we want more, we need more.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When I think about my friends</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Facebook doesn't come to mind</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">but a word, a phone call</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That's what makes my heart smile</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If twitter makes you clever with its witty comments and what not</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Instagram makes you feel that you got it going on</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Don't let Facebook trick you, don't let it deceive you</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Believe me when I tell you, it is all a circus</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I just only have a few, but they are real. They are there</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When times get tough and tears flow, they know me and I know them</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They don't like my pics on Facebook</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">they don't tag me on their posts</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">but what they do is more important</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">no matter what, they show me love.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">MA Ossa</span><br />
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<br />Mary Anna Ossahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12079582269650871327noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3703934158408013146.post-9324425823442153812012-10-07T16:18:00.000-07:002012-10-10T12:25:52.814-07:00I want to be surprised.<div style="text-align: center;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">Have you ever heard the phrase, "If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your plans".</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">Well, I have to confess that I am a big planner, both my husband and I make lists almost daily of things we need and want to accomplish, it's our little way to organize an otherwise chaotic life. So much is unexpected that I personally feel as if I have to have some sense of control over something at some point.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">But in itself this is an exhausting task. It's like living on a deadline "I have to do this on Monday" I have to finish this book by Friday" I haven't gotten an allergy shot in a week, I have to do it tomorrow", "I have one week to find a new gym".</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">Even tonight, I sat in front of my computer thinking "I have to write something on the blog".</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">Why? Who cares? </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">What is that about? Why are we so hard on ourselves</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">?</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">I don't have an answer to any of those questions and I refuse to spend time trying to figure out why, because i</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">n reality I have control over very little, nothing to be honest. God is in control of everything and yet, I continue to try to get my way, failing miserably every single time. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">It's ok to be organized, to write things down, to make lists, or whatever works for you, but it's also good to sit and receive what life throws at you with a smile. To expect the unexpected, to call someone you haven't talked to in a while for no other reason than to say hi, to smile at people on the street, to enjoy every little thing you do, to have a candy bar for lunch, to take a walk just to see what's on the other side of the road, to laugh, maybe even cry and perhaps later tell someone or even write about it.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">So this week I only have one thing on my list:</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">- I will let life surprise me.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">What are you gonna do?</span></div>
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Mary Anna Ossahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12079582269650871327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3703934158408013146.post-38602578499294099662010-10-18T07:11:00.000-07:002011-09-09T17:34:58.321-07:00It's been a while...It's been a while since I last wrote here on the blog, in my journal or in any other place. The busyness of like has taken over, but in a good way.<br />It's been a while since I complained about my life. Lately I have been able to see the grace and mercy of God in all I do and everything around me. It truly is a great feeling.<br />It's been a while since I cried for any reason other than happiness and joy. I feel content.<br />It's been a while since I had trouble sleeping. Most nights I am able to rest and wake up restored and refreshed.<br />It's been a while since I wondered about the future, not that I want to be surprised (I don't like surprises at all), it's just that I am trusting God more and more these days, and with that trust also comes the peace that surpasses all understanding.<br />It's been a while since I counted my losses instead of my blessings.<br />It's been a while since I looked at my past with regret and guilt. I have learned something from every single experience, I see myself and others with compassion because of my past.<br /><br />I am happy and content. Life is good.Mary Anna Ossahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12079582269650871327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3703934158408013146.post-87596884612841997212010-10-08T07:16:00.000-07:002011-09-09T17:34:58.341-07:00What a great day!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">This foreign soul has changed a lot in the past few months. Everything around me has also changed.</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">I wake up every morning thanking God for what I have and even for what I've lost. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">I have prayed for my loved ones and for those I don't even care about.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">I no longer worry about the little things, instead I treasure every moment of every day, they are small gifts of love from above.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">I enjoy the present, this moment, right here, as I type this post listening to Alex Campos and smiling, waiting for my house guests to come downstairs and plan the day with them. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">Waiting for my husband and child to come home, to hold them and tell them how much I love them</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">To hang out with friends, those who celebrate my victories and rejoice with every accomplishment, but more importantly, those who hold my hand when I have no words to express how I feel.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">Today is a wonderful day, I am about to begin another chapter in my life and I am ready, I feel blessed.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">What a great feeling!</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">How do you feel today? I hope you are able to see God in everything you do today. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><br /></span></div>Mary Anna Ossahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12079582269650871327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3703934158408013146.post-40427233492667451332010-09-29T05:23:00.000-07:002011-09-09T17:34:58.352-07:00I don't want to prove you wrong...<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">I went out for coffee with a good friend on Sunday and we talked about many things, we shared some good laughs and touched many interesting topics. One in particular really has stuck with me for the past three days. Freedom... it is such a wide concept. </span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">I am beginning to understand what that looks like. Understanding and accepting myself just the way I am and not letting other people's perception of me determine my value as a person. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">I sometimes spend my precious time thinking about what this person or that person think of me and why, as if that makes a difference, people believe what they want to believe, they judge others based on their own flaws, because let's face it, it is easier to see flaws in others that it is to look deeply at ourselves and point out the things we don't like or we know are wrong.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">I am accepting the fact that I don't have the energy or the power to prove everybody wrong, I just don't. So I decided to stop trying. I will spend my time and energy cultivating meaningful relationships with family and friends. The rest will fall into place all by itself.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">That is what freedom looks like to me these days.</span></div>Mary Anna Ossahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12079582269650871327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3703934158408013146.post-50859328823878263282010-09-23T07:16:00.000-07:002011-09-09T17:34:58.365-07:00Silence is golden.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">Sometimes silence is the best way to say: I know, I understand.</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">Sometimes silence is the smartest choice</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">Is how you can finally hear your inner voice again</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Is how you learn, how you evaluate and think about what you've done and what you are going to do in the future</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">How can I do things better? How can I be better?</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I meditate on these questions in silence because I can only change myself, I have no control over anyone or anything else.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I wait patiently for things to change, to improve and it's already happening</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">and even if I don't get what I want right now or even at all</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am learning little by little that with every loss there is also a gain</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">It's acceptable to be vulnerable and fragile, it only shows you're human</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Right now, silence is my best choice. Silence is golden.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><br /></span></span></div>Mary Anna Ossahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12079582269650871327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3703934158408013146.post-72779688310642766352010-09-15T13:40:00.000-07:002011-09-09T17:34:58.386-07:00I am well...after all.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Life is still beautiful</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">the sun is still bright</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">still brings heat</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">My family loves me</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">My friends are still there</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">God is still Lord</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">All is well...</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><br /></div>Mary Anna Ossahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12079582269650871327noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3703934158408013146.post-78642926375460491822010-09-14T10:35:00.000-07:002011-09-09T17:34:58.401-07:00Lost in translation...It is not too often that I am left without words. It is not too often that the only thing left for me to say is I'm sorry.<br />but when times like those come, the only choice is to deal with them and face the consequences, as terrible and devastating as they might be.<br /><br />I make mistakes sometimes, let me rephrase that, I make mistakes ALL the time, some affect me, some affect those around me. Some I can help, some are inevitable.<br /><br />But sometimes, I have no answers, I can't explain, I think and overthink and can't come up with a logical explanation.<br /><br />I am weird like that sometimes.<br /><br />I ran out of excuses a while ago, I got lost in translation somehow, and now I am trying to find my way back, the road doesn't end here, I must continue, I must move on.<br /><br />All I know is that I will never be the same again.<div><br /></div><div>"...<i>Y si mi puerta sigue abierta, no es porque piense que vas a llegar, hago una fiesta con la música que viene de la calle..."</i></div>Mary Anna Ossahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12079582269650871327noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3703934158408013146.post-3856111729543367102010-09-06T10:01:00.000-07:002011-09-09T17:34:58.416-07:00(I can't get no) Satisfaction<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">...Cause I try, and I try and I try...</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Let me just start by saying that I am not a fan of the Rolling Stones, maybe I'm to young to appreciate the impact their music had back in the day, but in my opinion they are a bit overrated. However, I do like the title of that song, after an amazing service at Church yesterday I began to ponder on that very concept "satisfaction", the first question that popped in my head was: Where does my satisfaction come from?</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Does it come from my husband? He is an amazing man, loving husband, dedicated father, smart, creative, passionate, but there are times (very few lately I have to admit) where he gets on my nerves, just a little, not a lot, but he does.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Does it come from my child? I love my son, he is cute and smart, but he is in the terrible two's and sometimes I want to lock myself in the closet and ignore him for at least 10 minutes. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Does it come from my friends? I don't have many, but the ones I have are incredible, we have know each other for years and know each other really well, I can trust them and count on them no matter what, but that can't be it.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Does it come from my job? my house? the amount of money in my bank account? I like my job,it's challenging, exciting, even rewarding but it can be very stressful. I love my house, it's big, comfortable, well located, but sometimes I think it's too big for me to clean and too expensive to maintain. Money on the other hand is important, but it comes and goes, so you never know.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">The truth is, my heart is longing for something different these days, I no longer want to keep my eyes on these "stuff" because when I do, they become so much more important than what they really are, bigger and overwhelming, and at the end of the day, they don't give me peace, they don't fulfill my spirit. The hole is still there, there is always something missing, it becomes a challenge to even appreciate the value of all of them, because they are blessings, no doubt, but they are not "it".</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">What my heart really wants, what it longs and yearns for is God, to be satisfied by Him, by His love, His peace, knowing that in the place where there is no peace, I have Him, He is with me, he never stops loving, I have nothing to fear. Then everything else will fall into place and I will no longer lose sleep over meaningless and transient things.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">It's a long and hard process, sometimes we are so consumed by our surroundings, by our situations and difficulties that we can't see beyond that.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">But I have come to realize that there is no fulfillment apart from God, He knows exactly what is going on in my life, He knows way better than I do what's good for me. His will is perfect, His love is perfect.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am ready to put my eyes back on the cross.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; font-size: small; "><i> O God, you are my God, </i></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small; "><i> earnestly I seek you; </i></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><div style="text-align: center;"><i> my soul thirsts for you, </i></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; "><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; font-size: small; "><i> my body longs for you, </i></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; "><i> in a dry and weary land </i></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><div style="text-align: center;"><i> where there is no water.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><i> </i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><i> I have seen you in the sanctuary,</i></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"></span></i></span></span><i> and beheld your power and your glory.</i></div></span></span><p></p><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><i> </i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><i> Because your love is better than life, </i></span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; "><i> my lips will glorify you.</i></span></div></span><p></p><p></p><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><i> </i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><i> I will praise you as long as I live, </i></span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; "><i> and in your name I will lift up my hands.</i></span></div></span><p></p><p></p><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><i> </i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><i> My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; </i></span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; "><i> with singing lips my mouth will praise you.</i></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; "><i>Psalm 63:1,5</i></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; "><i><br /></i></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-size: 16px; "><p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><i>_________________________________________________</i></span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><i>Whom have I in heaven but you?<br /> And earth has nothing I desire besides you.</i></span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><i> </i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><i>My flesh and my heart may fail,<br /> but God is the strength of my heart<br /> and my portion forever.</i></span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><i>Psalm 73:25,26</i></span></span></p></span></i></span></div></span><p></p></span></span></span></div>Mary Anna Ossahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12079582269650871327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3703934158408013146.post-88903211210834106282010-08-30T17:16:00.000-07:002011-09-09T17:34:58.430-07:00Are you in my life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime?<div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; font-size: 13px; color: rgb(34, 34, 34); line-height: 20px; ">People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms', 'lucida grande', 'lucida sans unicode', arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; color: rgb(34, 34, 34); line-height: 20px; "><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-family: arial; "><div style="text-align: justify;">When someone is in your life for a REASON...It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Then, without any wrongdoing on anyone's part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. Sometimes they die. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. Your need has been answered, and now it is time to move on.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">When people come into your life for a SEASON...It is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is unpredictable.</div></span></span>Mary Anna Ossahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12079582269650871327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3703934158408013146.post-69674900059867616362010-08-25T18:26:00.000-07:002011-09-09T17:34:58.443-07:00I have a choice to make<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; font-size: small; ">I can be mean or nice.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I can complain and feel sorry for myself or be grateful for the life I have.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I can ignore those around me and be self satisfied or I can love and let others love me.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I can give you the finger or send you a smile.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I can see things as a tragedy or as an opportunity.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; font-size: small; ">I can let others control my present and dictate what my future should look like or I can do my best to believe and trust that God is indeed in control.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I can be scared and hide or I can face it all and be brave.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I can choose or let others choose for me.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I can embrace these changes or let them ruin me.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I can quit everything or keep working hard at it.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I can pretend or I can tell the ones I love how I really feel</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I can hold a grudge for the rest of my life or I can ask for forgiveness and be quick to forgive.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">What's it gonna be?</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">It is so easy to forget that we get to choose, that we get to decide how to react, how to respond.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">In this August night,</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">alone in my bedroom, alone with my thoughts. I choose to stop living in my head</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I choose to love, to live, to learn, to smile, to let go, to grow.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I choose love.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span><div><br /></div></div>Mary Anna Ossahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12079582269650871327noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3703934158408013146.post-70850916092669926082010-08-12T10:58:00.000-07:002011-09-09T17:34:58.455-07:00"She" is changing my life...<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I was confused before I met her, lost in my own thoughts, living in my head, caring too much and getting invested too easily.</span></span></div>I didn't find her, she found me.</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">She is the best friend a person can have</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">She makes me feel good about myself no matter what anyone else says<br /></span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; font-size: small; ">She has made me understand that it is ok to let go and let God</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I don't care if "they" call or text, or come over or invite me places, because I have "her".</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I breathe easier since she arrived</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">She reminds me every day that I have to take care of myself</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">She puts words in my mouth and allows me to speak the truth</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">She is teaching me patience and even how to paint</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">She lets me be myself so I don't have to pretend</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">She showed me how to experience God and not just "talk about Him"</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Love, and family and friendship feel different because of her.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I don't have to thank her every day and prove my love to her.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">She has brought peace to a broken heart. She brought me back to life.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Her name is FREEDOM.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div></div>Mary Anna Ossahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12079582269650871327noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3703934158408013146.post-36140363657342807012010-08-07T10:58:00.000-07:002011-09-09T17:34:58.467-07:00Forever incomplete.<div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 25px; font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">One day I'll find relief, I’ll be whole. I'll be arrived.</span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:19.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I'll be a friend to my friends who know how to be friends <o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:19.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">One day I'll be at peace, I'll be enlightened <o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:19.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And I'll have more children and maybe even a dog<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:19.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">One day I will be healed.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:19.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Helvetica;"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:19.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I have been running so fast my whole life trying to find and cross the finish line, and I have been missing the joy of being incomplete, of being a work in progress, always under construction and renovations.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:19.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 238); -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; font-family:Georgia, serif;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjCAcRusDnlsMPWRgB2NtiaGtF1WsJB3lnVnUTtEU7VQEa_zSrCXmw1oAwq4KwagGylaPqbC8GIPnM_B4F4RL_V59IqhUa9qmdRyTTRG-PUbqoPR98jHwi_syZnToK9gfweVBTh0UG4ls/s400/DSC06036.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5502767892854135298" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 368px; " /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:small;"></span> </span>One day my mind will retreat and I'll know God</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:19.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And I'll be constantly in His presence at night<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:19.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">One day I'll be secure.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:19.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Helvetica;"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:19.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">One day I’ll understand that this journey is not always meant to be shared, that it’s ok to walk alone, that the only way to take care of others is to take care of myself first.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:19.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 238); -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; font-family:Georgia, serif;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">One day I will speak freely, not just sometimes but all the time. I'll be less afraid, less concerned, less critical of others and myself.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:19.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 238); -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; font-family:Georgia, serif;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj29OhyKuknT0F1p_2xBL_r8D9kDbNY_0AflvhhBOEY5Qbjop_gOZcl31ETMy1qvaRWeicQpV6WH9kfFFTO8ufOQhujyi3sRTraJruRu4TxBvJupLMUxMPzOrmIvHUWPHHeBw9AqM3GcNk/s400/DSC05107.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5502767322929737634" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 319px; " /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">One day I will let go of my fears and sleep alone somewhere, maybe even in my own house.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:19.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">One day I will be faith filled <o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:19.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I'll be trusting and authentic and grounded and home<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:19.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: normal; font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:arial;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 19pt; "><span style="font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Ever unfolding<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 19pt; "><span style="font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Ever expanding<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 19pt; "><span style="font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Ever growing<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 19pt; "><span style="font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Ever adventurous<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 19pt; "><span style="font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And torturous<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 25px; "><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:19.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none">But never done</p></span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:19.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: normal; font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 25px; "></span>Transitions, changes, misperceptions and misconceptions, a mountain of accusations, people coming and going. This world does not stop and neither do we. I will never be a finished project. But one thing is clear. I will no longer miss the bliss of being forever incomplete.</span></p> <!--EndFragment--> </span><p></p> <!--EndFragment-->Mary Anna Ossahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12079582269650871327noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3703934158408013146.post-87893946028050410852010-07-27T20:25:00.000-07:002011-09-09T17:34:58.482-07:00I am sorry...<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:15.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Tahoma;mso-bidi-font-family:Tahoma; color:#262626"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">It is time to make amends, to reconcile, to love, to understand…<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:15.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Tahoma;mso-bidi-font-family:Tahoma; color:#262626"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:15.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Tahoma;mso-bidi-font-family:Tahoma; color:#262626"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">To whom do I owe the biggest apology?</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:15.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Tahoma;mso-bidi-font-family:Tahoma; color:#262626"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: small; color: rgb(38, 38, 38); ">I have been thinking about this for days and the answer is simple.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:15.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Tahoma;mso-bidi-font-family:Tahoma; color:#262626"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">The first person I would like to publicly apologize to is myself. No one's been crueler than I've been to me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:15.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Tahoma;mso-bidi-font-family:Tahoma; color:#262626"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:15.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Tahoma;mso-bidi-font-family:Tahoma; color:#262626"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">For hearing all my doubts, for beating myself up and over functioning.</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia; color: rgb(83, 83, 83); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:15.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Tahoma;mso-bidi-font-family:Tahoma; color:#262626"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">For letting others decide if I indeed was desirable<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:15.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Tahoma;mso-bidi-font-family:Tahoma; color:#262626"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">For my love to myself being so embarrassingly conditional.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:15.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Tahoma;mso-bidi-font-family:Tahoma; color:#262626"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">For being so critical and judgmental<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:15.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Tahoma;mso-bidi-font-family:Tahoma; color:#262626"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">For not showing enough compassion<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:15.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Tahoma;mso-bidi-font-family:Tahoma; color:#262626"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">For not fighting hard enough for what you really wanted.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:15.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Tahoma;mso-bidi-font-family:Tahoma; color:#262626"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">For giving up so easily and looking the other way<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:15.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Tahoma;mso-bidi-font-family:Tahoma; color:#262626"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:15.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Tahoma;mso-bidi-font-family:Tahoma; color:#262626"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I'm sorry to myself.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:15.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Tahoma;mso-bidi-font-family:Tahoma; color:#262626"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">My apologies begin here before anybody else<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:15.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Tahoma;mso-bidi-font-family:Tahoma; color:#262626"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I'm sorry to myself.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:15.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Tahoma;mso-bidi-font-family:Tahoma; color:#262626"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">For treating me worse than I would have treated anybody else.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:15.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Tahoma;mso-bidi-font-family:Tahoma; color:#262626"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></o:p></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: small; color: rgb(38, 38, 38); ">For ignoring you: my highest voice.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:15.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Tahoma;mso-bidi-font-family:Tahoma; color:#262626"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">For giving you less than what you deserved<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:15.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Tahoma;mso-bidi-font-family:Tahoma; color:#262626"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">For thinking it was ok.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:15.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Tahoma;mso-bidi-font-family:Tahoma; color:#262626"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">For smiling when my strife was all too obvious.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:15.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Tahoma;mso-bidi-font-family:Tahoma; color:#262626"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">And for not letting go when it would've been the kindest thing.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align: justify;line-height:15.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; font-size: small; color: rgb(38, 38, 38); ">From now on, I promise to work harder, to never settle for less, to love you and to cherish you. To always acknowledge that you are God's creation after all.</span></p> <!--EndFragment-->Mary Anna Ossahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12079582269650871327noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3703934158408013146.post-27297146442892841882010-07-23T08:26:00.000-07:002011-09-09T17:34:58.497-07:008 easy steps<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; "><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; ">I love music, I really do, but I only listen to artists that write about something, music with a purpose. You'll never find in my Ipod things like boom, boom pow, or some guy that wants to be a billionaire or a girl singing about an umbrella. </span></div><div><br /></div><div>Alanis Morissette has been one of my favorite singer/songwriters for the past 15 years, since her Jagged little pill days, and "8 easy steps" is one of my favorite songs. I find inspiration in how open and unafraid she is. </div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; "><b>8 Easy steps by Alanis Morissette</b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; "><b><br /></b></span></div>How to stay paralyzed by fear of abandonment<br />How to defer to men in solveable predicaments<br />How to control someone to be a carbon copy of you<br />How to have that not work and have them run away from you<br /><br />How to keep people at arms length and never get too close<br />How to mistrust the ones who supposedly love the most<br />How to pretend you're fine and don't need help from anyone<br />How to feel worthless unless you're serving or helping someone<br /><i><br /></i>I'll teach you all this in 8 easy steps<br />A course of a lifetime you'll never forget<br />I'll show you how to in 8 easy steps<br />I'll show you how leaderships looks when taught by the best<br /><br />How to hate women when you're supposed to be a feminist<br />How to play all pious when you're really a hypocrite<br />How to hate God when you're a prayer and a spiritualist<br />How to sabotage your fantasies by fears of success<br /><i></i><br />I've been doing research for years<br />I've been practicing my ass off<br />I've been training my whole life for this moment I swear to you<br />Culminating just to be this well-versed leader before you<br /><i></i><br />How to lie to yourself and thereby to everyone else<br />How to keep smiling when you're thinking of killing yourself<br />How to numb a la holic to avoid going within<br />How to stay stuck in blue by blaming them for everything.</span><span><span></span></span>Mary Anna Ossahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12079582269650871327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3703934158408013146.post-1379571554970681612010-07-17T14:49:00.000-07:002011-09-09T17:34:58.510-07:00Have you seen my problem?<div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Has anybody seen my problem? It's a massive problem, ugly looking, a little old, painful, scary even. If you see it, you'll know what I'm talking about. I had it, I know I did. I mean, it has been with me for at least 20 years if not more, I know exactly what it looks like. It seems I have misplaced it. I know what you're thinking: How can you lose something so big? But the truth is that it is no longer where it used to be, you know, my head, my heart, my feelings.</span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I've been looking for it everywhere but no luck so far. I checked the lost and found of my heart and it is empty, the hard drive of my memory has been erased.</span></span><span style="font-family:Georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Did my emotional system crash? Is it hiding somewhere? Is this old wound finally healing? Or did my problem decide that it was time to let go, to move on, and to be set free?</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I can't figure out how my problem just disappeared, no notice, no explanation, no tears, not even a good bye, that is certainly a little discourteous, but I'm not surprised. After all, my problem is famous for being impolite, rude, obnoxious and hurtful for no apparent reason. I'm not saying I miss it, don't get me wrong, but now I have to decide what to do with this vacant space, I will have to clean it up, change the lock in case it changes its mind and wants to come back, put a couple of smiles on the walls, a fresh coat of love, and then I'll run an ad in the paper looking for a new resident, but this time: NO PROBLEMS ALLOWED.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I better get to work, there is still a lot to do around here, my problem was a really bad tenant, it did some significant damage to the structure and intentionally tried to trash the place, but fortunately the foundation is still intact. I will have it looking sharp in no time.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">The good news is that it is finally gone, I look at the horizon and it's clear, sunny, beautiful. I am free. I own this place.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 238); -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; font-family:Georgia, serif;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaCk2bk9o4Db_W8z3kHUwvDt6idT9Cbo9ABs3IHBLGkdC66z3PPTzVrty5J5LOFMif8n91fnDNUQBXCh7eUyhZIAQJIt4JuOatTe4UVzqTeMI_JmOYVOePXuBreZgrbpjRiY_bk_jfqCI/s400/DSC05908.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5495009999715177266" style="text-align: justify;display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px; " /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Anyway, if you see my problem somewhere, try not to make eye contact, but please let “him” know: I moved on too.</span></span></p> <!--EndFragment--> </span></span>Mary Anna Ossahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12079582269650871327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3703934158408013146.post-43466358070484272322010-07-14T10:09:00.000-07:002011-09-09T17:34:58.543-07:00Are you there?<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I haven't seen you in years and yet I think about you everyday.</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I don't remember much of you and maybe it is best.</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Your presence is like a ghost who refuses to let go, to move on, to stop scaring me at night.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">As I dust off my memories of you I realize there aren't that many, I open the windows of my soul to let the light in and to finally set you free.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I am forever changed by someone I barely knew.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Every time I'm feeling down, I wonder what would it be like with you around.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:arial;font-size:small;">I wonder if you think about me as much as I think about you, I wonder if those thoughts haunt you they way they haunt me.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I wonder if these thoughts are the only thing left between you and I, and if I let them go, will I forget you?</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I wonder if you are well?</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I wonder if you have grey hair on your head?. I do.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I wonder if you have the answers to all my questions or if you only have questions of your own.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I wonder if you can sleep at night, I wonder if you rest. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I wonder if you talk to God about me, if you pray.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I wonder if you finally learned to say "I'm sorry". I have.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I wonder if you're there...Are you there?</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div></div></div>Mary Anna Ossahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12079582269650871327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3703934158408013146.post-41226583161717652452010-07-09T11:20:00.000-07:002011-09-09T17:34:58.568-07:00Easy silence...<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Easy silence is a song written by the Dixie Chicks (my favorite band) and it describes exactly how I have been feeling for the past few weeks...I am grateful to know that there is more than one person creating an easy silence for me these days...</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div>When the calls and conversations<br />Accidents and accusations<br />Messages and misperceptions<br />Paralyze my mind<br />Busses, cars, and airplanes leaving<br />Burnin' fuel and gasoline and<br />everyone is running and I<br />Come to find a refuge in the...<br /><br />Easy silence that you make for me<br />It's okay when there's nothing more to say to me<br />And the peaceful quiet you create for me<br />And the way you keep the world at bay for me<br />The way you keep the world at bay<br /><br />Monkeys on the barricades<br />Are warning us to back away<br />They form commissions trying to find<br />The next one they can crucify<br />And anger plays on every station<br />Answers only make more questions<br />I need something to believe in<br />Breathe in sanctuary in the...<br /><br />Easy silence that you make for me<br />It's okay when there's nothing more to say to me<br />And the peaceful quiet you create for me<br />And the way you keep the world at bay for me<br />The way you keep the world at bay<br /><br />Children lose their youth too soon<br />Watching war made us immune<br />And I've got all the world to lose<br />But I just want to hold on to the<br /><br />Easy silence that you make for me<br />It's okay when there's nothing more to say to me<br />And the peaceful quiet you create for me<br />And the way you keep the world at bay for me<br /><br /><br /><br /></span></span>Mary Anna Ossahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12079582269650871327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3703934158408013146.post-35486563593972807582010-07-06T09:01:00.000-07:002011-09-09T17:34:58.582-07:00Untitled- Part 2<span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 22px; font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;font-size:19px;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; line-height: 12pt; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline- display: block; color:initial;"><span style="line-height: 1.2em; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline- font-family:Arial;font-size:10pt;color:initial;">“I will hold on to hope for you”<span style="line-height: 1.2em; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline- color:initial;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; line-height: 12pt; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline- display: block; text-align: justify; color:initial;"><span style="line-height: 1.2em; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline- font-family:Arial;font-size:10pt;color:initial;">This is what <a href="http://silvermine.blogspot.com/">Gail</a> said the day I told her what I was going thru. The biggest crisis I have ever experienced in my 33 years of existence. I didn’t understand what she meant, mainly because at the time, I had lost all hope. I nodded in disbelief. She held my hand and said it again, but this time, she looked directly into my eyes. I have to confess that up to that point I didn’t know what to make of Gail and our friendship. She has already established that during our first encounter I mentioned I wasn’t looking for any new friends and that I was perfectly fine with the few I had. In my defense, I have been hurt by friends in the past and was just trying to protect myself, for lack of a better excuse. But she wouldn’t take no for an answer, she was determined to prove me wrong, to show me that friendship was still possible. Her persistence frightened me as much as it captivated me. I am enormously glad that she didn’t give up.<span style="line-height: 1.2em; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline- color:initial;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; line-height: 12pt; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline- display: block; text-align: justify; color:initial;"><span style="line-height: 1.2em; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline- font-family:Arial;font-size:10pt;color:initial;">What she didn’t know was that I was very impressed with her. We did have a lot in common, and there was an undeniable sense of peace in the tone of our first and very long conversation. But the idea of inviting her in to my life was one I didn’t even want to consider.<span style="line-height: 1.2em; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline- color:initial;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; line-height: 12pt; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline- display: block; text-align: justify; color:initial;"><span style="line-height: 1.2em; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline- font-family:Arial;font-size:10pt;color:initial;">Week after week, we met at least two times, and I failed miserably at every attempt to walk away from her. She kept surprising me with her honesty, her insightful questions, and her ability to understand almost every situation. One thing that caught my eye was how much she pays attention to details, how much she observes. I’ll give you an example: Only a handful of people know that I was born left-handed and that at the age of 5, I learned how to write using my right hand, and I’ve done so ever since. Most of the time I use both my hands equally, but there are certain occasions where my right hand simply does not respond, and my left one reacts naturally. In all my 33 years, Gail has been the one and only person to notice that I am in fact left-handed. That might not mean much to you reading this, but to me, it meant a lot. I was finally convinced that I was in front of true friendship.<span style="line-height: 1.2em; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline- color:initial;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; line-height: 12pt; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline- display: block; text-align: justify; color:initial;"><span style="line-height: 1.2em; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline- font-family:Arial;font-size:10pt;color:initial;">Although I did not recognize it at first, I later discovered that Gail is one of those people that come into your life to stay. After all the work she did to become my friend, the least I could do what to let her in on a little secret of mine. I said to her: “I want you to know that there is absolutely nothing you can tell me or do that would ever shock me or change the way I feel about you, I will never judge you, no matter what you do or say. Keep that in mind at all times”. She smiled and replied: “Yes, ma’am.<span style="line-height: 1.2em; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline- color:initial;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; line-height: 12pt; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline- display: block; text-align: justify; color:initial;"><span style="line-height: 1.2em; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline- font-family:Arial;font-size:10pt;color:initial;">I must agree with Gail, our friendship hasn’t always been easy or smooth. I was terrified of “it” and once even asked her to please walk away. I know what you’re thinking: What kind of person does that? Why does she put up with me? I can only answer the first question, after a few really bad experiences my heart was in pretty bad shape, and I was convinced that in the end I would end up getting hurt yet again. But to my surprise, and showing tremendous determination and loyalty, she disregarded my invitation to leave and said: “I will not be the next person you push away”. I was shocked. She then gave me the opportunity to explain myself, which by the way, was really hard to do. I thought I was going to have to apologize a million times, but once was enough; she accepted my apology and smiled. The rest is history, I guess.<span style="line-height: 1.2em; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline- color:initial;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; line-height: 12pt; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline- display: block; text-align: justify; color:initial;"><span style="line-height: 1.2em; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline- font-family:Arial;font-size:10pt;color:initial;">But the story hardly ends there. As a matter of fact; it was only the beginning of this wonderful, nameless, powerful, life altering adventure. We began to walk this road side by side. We have laughed together and also cried together. We have told each other many stories of childhood, university study, travel, friends we’ve had, and people we have loved. We don’t know where it will take us but we are enjoying every second of it. <span style="line-height: 1.2em; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline- color:initial;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; line-height: 12pt; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline- display: block; text-align: justify; color:initial;"><span style="line-height: 1.2em; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline- font-family:Arial;font-size:10pt;color:initial;">Then life interrupted. This life is so unpredictable. One day I stumbled and fell in the middle of the road, and with me, my whole world came crashing down. I was forced to face the truth, to go into the basement of my soul and do a spiritual and mental “spring cleaning” right in the middle of June. Denial was no longer an option or a way of life. Needless to say I didn’t want to talk to anyone about it, but at the same time, my thoughts, memories, feelings and emotions were fighting their way out. One afternoon right before Italian class, I confessed all my secrets to the person I least expected I would ever tell. Everything was out in the open. I was exposed - and it felt great! For the first time in a very long time, I was able to breathe without my invisible respirator, my airways were finally clear and so were my eyes and the rest of my senses.<span style="line-height: 1.2em; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline- color:initial;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; line-height: 12pt; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline- display: block; text-align: justify; color:initial;"><span style="line-height: 1.2em; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline- font-family:Arial;font-size:10pt;color:initial;">A few minutes later, I heard those words for the second time: “I will hold on to hope for you.” I cried and simply said: “Thank you.” I was not really sure what to do next. The following two weeks were awfully challenging. I was in the middle of an emotional tornado, trying not to lose all my earthly possessions, while holding on to whatever I could. I am not very good at reaching out to people for help; even when I want to, the words just don’t come out. But this time, I knew I had to do something, I felt my life was on the line. I asked for help. I called my closest friends, and they gave me all the love and support I needed. They still do. They are praying for me right now.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; line-height: 12pt; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline- display: block; text-align: justify; color:initial;"><span style="line-height: 1.2em; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline- font-family:Arial;font-size:10pt;color:initial;">But I have to give credit to Gail. She held my hand the entire time. She prayed for me. She sat with me in silence. She had tissues on hand every single time I cried in front of her, and there were, without a doubt, countless times. She also looked me in the eye repeatedly and said, “You will get thru this, I promise.” What was even more astounding is the fact that she gave me the courage I so desperately needed to reach out to the people even closer to me, my own family. The outcome has been very positive: the tornado has finally passed and peace has been restored in my heart.<span style="line-height: 1.2em; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline- color:initial;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; line-height: 12pt; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline- display: block; text-align: justify; color:initial;"><span style="line-height: 1.2em; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline- font-family:Arial;font-size:10pt;color:initial;">So there you have it folks. This is the second part of this journey, the one where my friend Gail picked me up after I fell and helped me get back on my feet. The one where I understood that it’s ok to ask for help, that freedom is around the corner, and we just have to keep walking until we find it, that good things happen when we take chances on people. I am extremely grateful for this mind-blowing friendship and I don’t think I could ever find the words in any language to express my gratitude. I am doing a lot better these days, my wounds are healing nicely, but I know this path has many more twists and turns still to come, I will do my very best to be ready to face them and to prepare myself for whatever is next. But what a relief is to know that I no longer walk alone.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; line-height: 12pt; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline- display: block; text-align: justify; color:initial;"><span style="line-height: 1.2em; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline- font-family:Arial;color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 20px; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family:Georgia, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">PS. If you don't know where part I of this series is, please go <a href="http://http://memoriesofaforeignsoul.blogspot.com/2010/06/why-untitled-because-after-months-of.html">here</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><a href="http://http://memoriesofaforeignsoul.blogspot.com/2010/06/why-untitled-because-after-months-of.html"> </a>to read it.</span></span></span></p></span>Mary Anna Ossahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12079582269650871327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3703934158408013146.post-71278258925432391222010-07-02T19:30:00.000-07:002011-09-09T17:34:58.596-07:00Everybody hurts...sometimes<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I talk to people everyday. My family, my friends, on the street, at the dealership while I wait for my car, at the gym, in my real estate class. And they all have one thing in common: problems, all kinds of problems. Here and there and everywhere one thing is for sure: Everybody hurts...sometimes (me included)</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">and I wonder...</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">What's with the world? How did this happen? How did we get ourselves in all these situations?</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I wish there was something I could do for them, to ease their pain, to ease my own. To give them a solution, an answer, and find one for my own problems while I'm at it.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">We are all on the same boat, searching and navigating through troubled waters and violent storms. Waiting for the sun to come out, to bring peace and calm to our crazy, complicated and confusing lives.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">and I wonder...</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Doesn't God control the weather? Could He send the sun into our lives right now if He wanted to?</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Doesn't He have the power to change everything? to solve any problem?</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">To take the pain away?</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">To overwhelm us with love?</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Why doesn't He give us just what we want?</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I'll never know.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">But I am certain that He has a plan, His word says so.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">He knows my needs and my desires and wants what's best for me.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">He is my FATHER.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">My job is to believe, to trust, to live by faith and not by sight.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">To remember what He has done for me and for others. After all, His record is impeccable.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">So here I stand believing, trusting, waiting. His time is perfect, His will is perfect. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">He is PERFECT.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Do I really need to know anything else? </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I think not.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div>Mary Anna Ossahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12079582269650871327noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3703934158408013146.post-36508951626230458382010-06-28T19:41:00.000-07:002011-09-09T17:34:58.620-07:00Untitled- Part 1<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Why “untitled”? Because after months of living through and living out this story, we decided that it didn’t need a name. It just needed to be told. We decided that sometimes we spend too much time in life trying to come up with titles, with labels, with categories. We spend so much time observing and categorizing our lives that we end up with precious little time to live them. So this time, and a few more times in the coming weeks, together we will write</span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">the story of what is possible when labels get peeled off of people and relationships and outcomes, when common sense is ignored, and when we face the worst thing we know about ourselves and realize that it’s not so bad after all. </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">How do you put a title on something like that?</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">*****************</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Four years. Four feet apart. Forty-four words passed between us. If that many. Then one day, I turned around in my seat, looked her in the face, and said, “Hey, do you want to meet for coffee sometime this week?” When she said that she didn’t drink coffee, I wondered if there was hope for us. I’m glad I didn’t let my pro-coffee position come between us.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">We ended up spending nearly four hours talking and laughing and telling stories at Starbucks the very first time we hung out together. I thought: I could be friends with this woman forever. Or so I hoped. To my utter shock, she said she neither wanted nor needed any new friends. I couldn’t imagine the she really didn’t want ME for a friend. What’s up with that? She was clear-headed, articulate, but inexplicably unimpressed with me. </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I drove home that day with a thousand questions floating around in my head. How do you become friends with someone who tells you in your first meeting that she doesn’t want any new friends? Will it be possible for me to let her off the hook that easily? What’s it gonna take to get this girl to invite me in to her life and heart?</span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Many weeks would pass before either of us understood just how deeply we had touched one another that day. Fortunately, we had not idea how much we would have to work through in order to become the friends that we are today. Sometimes not being able to predict or foresee the future really is best.</span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> Who are we? I’m <a href="http://silvermine.blogspot.com/">Gail</a>. She’s Mary Anna – “with two n’s,” she often reminds me. We were born eleven years and twenty thousand miles away from each other. I grew up in Brooklyn, New York. Her native city is Caracas, Venezuela. I have three older brothers. She has one older sister. We are both married with children. I have two teenagers rampaging around my house. She has one adorable 20-month-old under her watchful care. Before having her son, she was a real estate agent. Before having my two children, I was a junior high and high school Spanish teacher and college counselor. We are both currently employed as “Desperate Housewives.” I’ve never seen the show of that title, but I know I am one.</span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">She knew from the tender age of thirteen that as soon as she was able, she would leave her homeland of Venezuela for the United States. I decided at the tender age of 13 – actually, I didn’t make a single firm decision about my life until I was in college. And then I promptly changed my mind. She graduated from high school at 16 and went to a huge university in the city where she had grown up. I graduated at 17 and attended a tiny college five hours from home. But we had something in common on the university level: we both studied political science.</span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">My memory is horrendous; hers is remarkable. She listens to music every waking moment, whereas I could and often do spend days without turning on music of any kind. One passion we do share is writing. For a brief while she read my blog voraciously – until she started her own blog and became a prolific writer in her own right. She blames me for getting her started with journaling, but I refuse to accept the blame. She accuses me of turning her into a geek; that I will take credit for. But until she is carrying a pencil case in her purse, she hasn’t come over to the dark side yet. </span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> We grew up speaking different languages, but her second language is my first language, and my second language is her first language. Was that us getting our signals crossed or finally uncrossing them? We’re still not sure about the answer to that. But I will say this: she thinks we don’t speak her language enough. I’d be glad to speak Spanish more, but she knows a whole lot more Spanish than I do – and I’m not yet ready to give her the higher ground in this relationship.</span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">How we met is intricately tied to this whole first and second language thing. Until recently, I served as the main translator at a bilingual congregation in a local church here in Charlotte. My job was to translate sermons from Spanish into English on Sunday mornings. When the sermon was given in English, it was her job to translate it into Spanish. When I got tongue-tied on the pulpit, which was often, I could always count on her to provide the right word at just the right time. At least, I think they were the right words; she could still be pulling the wool over my ojos – I mean, eyes.</span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Back to that first meeting at Starbucks… we met there one Thursday afternoon to get to know each other a little. After all, we’d sat four feet away from each other for over four years. What neither of us expected was to discover that we had far more in common than sitting one row apart for all that time. What neither of us expected was to discover that we viewed our roles in the church, our roles as women, as wives, as mothers, as inhabitants of this country, as inhabitants of this amazing planet we share in very much the same way. From the very start, we were able to finish each other’s sentences. More than once I have teased her about having read my journals. And she teases me about reading her mind.</span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Let there be no doubt; our friendship hasn’t been easy or smooth every step of the way. But that’s a story for another blog post – and there will be more blog posts about this remarkable, rocky, dark, shadowy, insightful, challenging, eye-opening, life-changing, and soul-stirring friendship we share. In the past three weeks, one of us has had to admit to a long-maintained lie, and the other has had to face a long-denied truth. Both of us have emerged from one of the most difficult realizations of our lives together. Or perhaps “together” isn’t the right word; it may be more accurate to say we have emerged at the same time and side by side.</span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> One thing we have learned in the four short months that we have spent getting to know one another is this: we may be co-travelers on this life journey, but our experiences are radically different. We have sat in movie theaters, church services, restaurants, parking lots, and Italian classes together – but if you ask her to describe what happened and what was said, her answer would be different from mine. Even sitting in Starbucks right now (yes, we are back at Starbucks!) the retelling of the story of our friendship has reminded us of both the beauty and the mystery of sharing life together. As much as we may share, as much time as we spend talking and texting back and forth, we are each fully aware that, she is living out her own story and I am living mine. Even though we are on this life journey concurrently, each of us walks it alone.</span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">We are learning to listen to one another in new ways. We are learning to talk to each other in new ways. We are learning when to give advice and when to sit in silence. We are learning how easy it is to misunderstand and be misunderstood. We have learned about forgiveness – both asking for it and extending it. We have learned about help – asking for it, receiving it, and giving it. When “common sense” says to walk away, sometimes that still, small inner voice whispers: “Give her another chance.” When “common sense” says to do anything and everything it takes to bring suffering to an end, sometimes the heart, this crazy heart of mine, that crazy heart of hers, says “Don’t give up, don’t give in, don’t give over to despair. Take one more chance.”</span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Recently we had a long talk about sharing the story of our friendship on our blogs. My initial reaction was one of hesitation. I wondered: Why would we want to do that? Who wants to read about us? She answered with a question of her own: Why </span></span><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">not</span></span></u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> share it? She was right: why not tell our story? This is a universal story of how a relationship that looks impossible on paper sometimes defies all the odds in reality.</span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Anyone who has lost faith in the power of faith and friendship and forgiveness and honesty and love and prayer to fix most of what ails us needs to read this story. Our hope is that after reading this story, you will take a chance on making a new friend or forgiving an old friend or rescuing a lost friend. Perhaps you are the old friend, the lost friend, the new friend, the one that needs to ask for reconciliation or forgiveness. Please don’t wait. Not one moment is promised; not one day is guaranteed. So make every day, every hour count.</span></span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;">Written by Gail Henderson-Belsito & Mary Anna Ossa</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <!--EndFragment-->Mary Anna Ossahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12079582269650871327noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3703934158408013146.post-90870576389083141502010-06-27T15:08:00.000-07:002011-09-09T17:34:58.634-07:00Black and white<div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 22px;"><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">I don't remember ever having a black and white television or</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">having photos of my childhood in black and white, I was born and raised in a</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">color world, and I am grateful for that.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">Despite how busy I've been these past days</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">studying, writing and reading. I have been thinking a lot</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">about our perception of things, people and life in</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">general.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">And I concluded that I prefer to see everything in color.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">Allow me to elaborate.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">When we live in white and black, we judge</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">anyone who does something that seems wrong, based merely in our perception</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">of what is right and wrong, and we forget that life</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">is much more complicated than that, there are many factors that</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">influence decisions taken by people, we forget that we simply don't know what anyone is feeling or thinking, or the kind of life that person has lived, their story. But because we live in white</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">black we can't see beyond that.</span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">When we live in black and white, we only see people's skin color, we make distinctions, we become biased, we divide people into categories and do whatever it takes to keep them all separate.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">When we live in black and white, we find it difficult to understand that</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">we are not perfect, that we make mistakes. We overlook all the shades we can find between black and white, and that this gradient colors, distinguishes us from the rest of the world, but not in a</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">negative way, those differences are what makes us special.</span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">When we live in black and white, we focus our energy on the</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">lines that separate white from black, leaving us unable to appreciate the</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">beautiful colors that are all around us.</span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">When we live in black and white, sometimes the black takes over the white</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">and we end up trapped in the darkness of life's issues and circumstances.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">I'll never understand why, sometimes, we choose to live in black and white.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">Yesterday my day started between shadows, the black prevented the light to enter in</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">my life, and my circumstances were bigger than my</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">hope, but right away, I remembered what's involved in living in</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">black and white, and I open the windows of my soul to let the light and colors of</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">joy, faith and love and put a smile on my face.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">I don't know if you've ever lived in black and white, or if you see</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">others or even yourself that way. If so, you still have time,</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">please take my word for it. Let the colors in!</span></p></span></span></div>Mary Anna Ossahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12079582269650871327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3703934158408013146.post-74236825609295841312010-06-27T15:07:00.000-07:002018-08-06T11:51:06.079-07:00Forgiveness 101<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51 , 51 , 51); font-family: "arial" , "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51 , 51 , 51); font-family: "arial" , "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #666666; font-size: small;">When I was a freshman in College, I had a wonderful friend. Her name was Valentina. She was kind and sweet and very loyal. She taught me everything I needed to know about being a friend, a best friend to be exact. We were inseparable. We had long and engaging conversations about every topic under the sun. We took trips around the country and around the world, it was perfect. I had never had a friend like that in my life.</span></span></span></i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51 , 51 , 51); font-family: "arial" , "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #666666; font-size: small;">One day, after a series of mishaps and terrible misunderstandings, it was over. The details of the many issues we had are irrelevant now, but I take full responsibility for the end of our friendship. I was heartbroken, I apologized to Valentina a million times, I pleaded with her and begged her to give me another chance. She refused. No matter how hard I tried she could not bring herself to forgive me.</span></span></span></i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51 , 51 , 51); font-family: "arial" , "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #666666; font-size: small;">The last time I saw her was 12 years ago. Since then, I have had many great friends, incredible friends, the best in the world, I still do, but none like Valentina. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if she had forgiven me. I'll never know, but everything happens for a reason, or so they say.</span></span></span></i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #666666; font-size: small;">Although I was very young, that experience taught me a valuable lesson, it taught me the importance of forgiveness, both asking for it and granting it. Since that painful loss, I have been able to restore many broken relationships by experiencing the power of forgiveness, and it is now a subject I am no longer afraid of, as a matter of fact. I am mesmerized by its depth and meaning and plan to adopt it as a way of life.</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #666666; font-size: small;">We hear the phrase "nobody is perfect" all the time. However, in reality, we expect everyone around us to be perfect. We even have the nerve to expect ourselves to be mighty wonderful and incapable of making any mistakes. Even as a write these lines about not wanting to be perfect, I struggle thinking " I am not a good enough writer", nobody is going to want to read this" they will never come back to my blog". Ironic isn't it?. But what happens when the ones we love make mistakes, betray us, lie to us, cheat on us, ignore us, hurt us?. We become indignant and judgmental; We decide that enough is enough and that we will not put up with their actions for another second. We end up living our lives holding grudges, resenting others, questioning ourselves and our fellow humans and so on and so forth...what an exhausting way to live that is.</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #666666; font-size: small;">I can't say that I know everything there is to know about forgiveness, I have a tough time forgiving myself and letting go of feelings like shame and guilt, but I can honestly tell you that I love to forgive, I don't enjoy the pain others cause me. Don't get me wrong; especially those I care about so deeply, but when someone comes to me asking for forgiveness, I can't help but think of the many times I have been given that special gift, the many times I have been told: "It's OK. Don't worry about it. Let's move on. It's behind us." When I think about how God has forgiven me a million times and still loves me unconditionally, without keeping record of my multiple wrongdoings, I am amazed. So when life gives me the opportunity to return the favor, I do my best to swallow my pride, clean my wound and say, "it's OK. Let's move on, I still love you."</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #666666; font-size: small;">As humans, we are a work in progress, a never ending project, constantly changing and growing. If you would allow me, I will share one more thing with you - and this is no secret. I am certain that I will hurt the ones I love again, that I will ignore them and even neglect them at some point during this journey we call life. After all, nobody is perfect, but when that happens, please give me time. I will come back begging for another chance, and even though I might not deserve it, I hope you give it to me anyway.</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #666666; font-size: small;">If you are reading this today, and in some way, recently, a few days or a few months ago, or even 12 years ago, I caused you harm, I truly hope and pray that you will find it in your heart to forgive me.</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #666666; font-size: small;">We all lose friends...We lose them in death, to distance and over time. But even though they may be lost, hope is not. The key is to keep them in your heart, and when the time is right, you can pick up the friendship right where you left off. Even the lost find their way home when you leave the light on." ~ Amy Marie Walz</span></i></span></div>
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Mary Anna Ossahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12079582269650871327noreply@blogger.com0